Saturday, May 30, 2020

Cocoon's caress

A very hungry caterpillar, that’s what I was
My little world, I roamed without pause.
Such a world of plenty, a world of joys
Thriving, fattening, so what if it cloys?

And then one day, the powers-that-be
Came to light and said to me:
It’s now time to stop your play
Keep to yourself, hide away
Spin yourself a littler world
Want not a jot, stay withheld
All for your good, all for the best
Consider this time to renew, to rest.


So here I lie:  so still, so quiet
Breathe the calm. No fuss, no fret.
My physical self, cocoon-bound
But the mind, it soars with aplomb.
Times of feasting, the old way
Seem so distant, fade away.
I thrive anew, in cocoon’s caress
Nourish my soul, I learn afresh.

I know one day, when time is ripe
I’ll wake to the new world outside
As a beautiful butterfly.


Wednesday, May 27, 2020

My fear wears a mask

Like the crafty amoeba, though one-celled
It filled out, stretched, snowballed, swelled.
Fear can mutate, masquerade
Grow on and on, roam untamed.
And I let it free to change its shape
Prowl my emotional landscape.
“I love you so, this anger is concern.”
But at that decibel, but who can discern?
“I’m just afraid, just need to be held.”
But too proud to say, to make amends

Why would we rather…
Be thought stern than soft?
Short-fused than burnt out?

Why not pregnable and kind?
Than stormy in fear-bind?

So afraid of letting down our guard
That we would rather be scarred?

Would they love us any the less….
Our unnamed fears, if we express?


Monday, May 25, 2020

An electronic love


She was a broken shell
Merely a throbbing soul

He had space
In his generous core
So there she lay
Curled up in his embrace

Now their worlds merged
Seamless-
Linked to the outer world
By a single face.


The sim from her broken phone
In his dual sim device

Sunday, May 24, 2020

Rush

All at once, in a heady rush
Flying, soaring off-my-cuff

Words welling up inside of me:
Like unbidden tears, a happy sea.
Writing themselves into poetry


Oh yes..
Shoulders squared. Ardour peaks.
Lightning flashes. Flushed cheeks.


I break into sprint:
A mad dash to my pensieve
My pensieve? Ah hapless muggle!
A phone, a pen, some paper
Something, anything.

But no…
I stop. Am stopped in my tracks.
Unbought groceries. Unwashed clothes.
Unfed self. Unmet deadlines.
Doleful dance of the day-to-day.


Shoulders sag. Ardour ebbs.
Fervour fades. Thoughts retreat.


Oh well…
She who thinks and files away
Will strive to write another day 

Monday, May 18, 2020

Lockdown Poetry

Today I’m thinking about Emily Dickinson. A stalwart in her own right, a sort of progenitor of American poetry of the modern day. Her poems are mostly without titles, and named after their respective first lines. Introduced to one of her poems in an English course in school, I, as a restless teenager, was completely underwhelmed. I can picture myself now, a rather self-conscious schoolgirl in awe of the Romantic poets, still a little in love with John Keats whose wrote odes to Grecian urns and melancholy and nightingales, and titled poems with fancy French words that I was proud to be able to pronounce. If there was indeed any space for an American poet in that teenager’s heart, it belonged to T.S.Eliot, a genius who could gather fragments of the Upanishads and weave them into The Waste Land, replete with incomprehensible and lofty words and ending with a shanti mantra.
What place was there for a poetess writing about offering a crumb to a bird (A Bird, came down the Walk) in that world? It was much later in my adulthood that I rediscovered Dickinson, with her stunning short poems with slant rhyme and layered metaphors. I was exhilarated when I managed to truly appreciate her oddly structured short lines, with strange patterns of spaces and punctuation, that I understood to be her way of nudging her readers into pausing and reflecting over certain phrases in her writing.
For a woman of her times, going to one of the newly established ladies’ academies was a privilege that gave unheard-of freedom to young girls. But life afterwards was expected to settle into a pattern involving paying calls, marrying and furthering the career of one’s husband. ln all, a life of dreary domesticity and of subsuming the woman’s identity into her family’s. All of which was anathema to her. The idea of a buzzing social life did not sit well with her either, and she was to remain a recluse for most of her life.
As a caregiver to her ailing mother, her withdrawal from the outside world turned near-complete by her 40s. She surrounded herself with her beloved plants and the world of her poetry. This self-imposed period of isolation proved to be a prolific writing spell.
An ability to draw startling insights from the least noticeable of creatures and the merest of things combines with her preoccupation with mortality & escape with dramatic results: her poems have a way of sudden shifting gears, the mundane turning into the sublime, or acquiring hidden depths or taking an unexpected turn. An imaginary outing to walk her dog by the sea turns into an event with misleadingly menacing undertones (I started early – Took my Dog). A simple piece of advice to tell the truth ends with an insightful reminder that the truth can be a dangerous instrument, to be used with due care (Tell All the Truth- But tell it Slant). An ode to reading ends with an insight into the human soul (There is no Frigate like a Book). And so on and on.
Many of her poems use metaphors involving the rooms or parts of a house to describe the outside world or even abstract ideas. Mermaids, in her imagination, come from the ‘basement’ of the ocean and war ships move along the ‘Upper Floor’. (I started early- Took my Dog). The world of poetry is a ‘House’ fairer than that of Prose, with the limitless sky as its ‘roof’ (I dwell in Possibility). Character is built with external support, but once formed has to function independently, just like a house stands on its own after the scaffolding and carpenter are long gone (The Props assist the House). Did she like being isolated in her house? Perhaps. Sometimes she seems to have found it suffocating. But then she was, in spirit, always far away. Even though her immediate space features often in her flights of fancy and wild poetic escapades.
But the poem that is closest to my heart today, as we all live in lockdown is “I taste a liquor never brewed”. And not for the reasons you are plausibly and (quite understandably) imagining. For a well-born woman of her times, to get drunk would have been quite a scandalous event: I suppose this only serves to underline her rebellious streak.
For those of you expecting a poetic outburst induced by sherry or claret (or whatever tipple folks took a fancy to in those times), the facts of the poem are delightfully and unexpectedly different.
To Emily Dickinson, the greatest intoxicant is Nature itself. In this cheerful poem, she imagines being inebriated on air (yes, precious…fresh…outdoor…sigh! air) and debauching on dew. And spending her summer days reeling under the blue summer skies. And now you know why I’m thinking of Emily today. The skies have never been clearer or brighter, and I have never wanted to be drunk on nature and the outdoors more than now, two (almost) months into lockdown.
All I can do is read this Dickinson gem and imagine myself slumped incoherent over fresh air, gentle sea breeze and swaying boughs. And then rising to walk...or stagger...over a carpet of crunchy leaves. Hic.
Here's Emily Dickinson herself:
I taste a liquor never brewed –
From Tankards scooped in Pearl –
Not all the Frankfort Berries
Yield such an Alcohol!
Inebriate of air – am I –
And Debauchee of Dew –
Reeling – thro' endless summer days –
From inns of molten Blue –
When "Landlords" turn the drunken Bee
Out of the Foxglove's door –
When Butterflies – renounce their "drams" –
I shall but drink the more!
Till Seraphs swing their snowy Hats –
And Saints – to windows run –
To see the little Tippler
Leaning against the – Sun!
Source: https://poets.org/poem/i-taste-liquor-never-brewed-214
When I’ve had my fill, I shall, just like her, ‘but drink the more’. I can see Emily leaning against the sun, nodding approvingly at my plan.

Maslow's chillies




Dabbling in the kitchen for needs arising from the lowest level of Maslow’s needs hierarchy, I discovered over the course of this lockdown, is a far cry from going occasionally into the kitchen to self-actualize by rustling together fancy ingredients into a photo-worthy salad.
This turned into a particularly searing lesson for me today. I mean, literally. Like actually literally. Not ‘literally’ like when people use the word literally to metaphorically mean something patently non-literal. Involving mindful cooking and green chillies, and hours of running laps from the living room to the kitchen madly flapping my palms*.
I have barely ever used green chillies in food prior to this. However, the latest fortnightly survival kit from one of the blessed e-commerce vendors who deigns to deliver to my building included a very, very generous package of green chillies. As my mantra during lockdown is “Waste Not, Want Not”, I resolved to use this entire lot. So it was that I surveyed three of the chosen ones from the pile. Two of them were curved in a particularly, warningly, sinister fashion. Alas, I failed to heed the warning of the fates and proceeded to gut them of their seeds and throw in the angry green skins into my waiting skillet. Within minutes, the cooking for the day was abandoned and the activity marked above with * commenced.
The spouse, patiently awaiting his victuals, was startled by this rather unusual sight. The lingua franca of my movement is invariably limited to plodding, ambling and slouching. Therefore, this sudden interest in indoor sprinting could scarcely go unnoticed. I breathlessly screamed, “Burning hands. Do something, do something.” My movements were so floppy and my manner so panic-inducing that he initially assumed that my hands were on fire. Like, you know, really, literally on fire. Like with flames. Not the metaphorical way people use the word ‘literally’ when you know, they’ve got chilli burn. But dash it, it really did feel as if my hands were spouting molten lava.
Once he got wise to the situation, he broke into paroxysms of laughter. I made incoherent threats (including but not restricted to using the vegetable in question as a weapon) to shake him out of his laughing stupor and google for remedies.
After a few rounds of hits and misses, and after slathering my palms variously with dishwash liquid, coconut oil, baking soda paste, hand sanitiser and aloe vera gel, we recovered some semblance of sanity in the household. Now I know not to take capsaicin lightly. Along with various other snippets, such as its official name: 8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide.
The sole achievement of the day is that the placating party in this story now knows to never, ever offer such helpful trivia as IUPAC names of active spice ingredients while the suffering party is in the throes of chilli burn.

--Please feel free not to commiserate with me on the chilli burn. This is a work of somewhat pure fiction--